Better Communications Can Be The Key To Your Success
Better Communications Can Be The Key To Your Success
Why in the world do people fail in communications? There are probably as many reasons as there are people. The common communications problems which keep surfacing revolve around a lack of openness, honesty and understanding the nature of our problems.
Here are three communications traps people fall into and accompanying tips to avoid the pitfalls.
The “I’m right, you’re wrong.” syndrome. In this pit, it is assumed there is a right and a wrong answer. It is also assumed you and an opponent are on opposite sides of an issue. “Good” examples are a boss telling an employee he/she is crazy, that their idea would never work. Another example is a husband and wife arguing because one wants to have a large family and the other wants a small family.
In the first example, the boss should probably put herself in the employees shoes. To do so requires a lot of imagination or a good memory for what it was like “long ago” when she was in that position herself. No one is crazy for making a suggestion, even one which appears inane. What the boss might want to do is tell the employee of certain obstacles she is aware of and then ask the employee how they might be overcome. If none can be provided, the employee has proven to himself the idea is impractical at this point in time. If, however, the employee does come up with some plausible solutions, maybe the manager has learned something and should reconsider her position.
In the second example, the wife says she wants a large family and the husband insists on a small one. What they are not communicating is the wife’s concept of a large family is four children and the husband’s idea of a small family is three. By not talking specifics, they do not realize just how close their positions really are.
“What if large meant 12 children and small meant 2?” Now we need to ask “why”.
The spouse wanting 12 may want that many because of a need to share love with so many wanting children. The spouse wanting only 2 may only feel they can financially afford to support 2 kids. Solution? Perhaps have two of their own and take in 10 orphan children. The orphan children come with a state stipend to support them financially and they probably are craving for love and attention. Both parties again have tenable positions.
Trap two is “shutting the trap.” When something is bothering folks caught in the web of this spider of poor communications, they do not open up their mouths. They keep it to themselves. Sometimes they blab about the problem to everyone except the person who should hear (the person they have the problem with.)
Such a state of affairs causes two major problems. First, it is not healthy. Tensions bottled up leads to heart attack, stroke and at a minimum, fatigue. Second, nothing ever gets resolved and the problem festers and just gets worse.
Solution: Confront the person you are having a problem with. Maybe it was just an oversight. Perhaps there exists a logical reason for doing whatever it was they were doing. At the very least, get it off your chest! Chances are the other person is either totally unaware of what they are doing or they are hiding something too and do not have the guts to come to you. Try to be one step ahead of their game.
The last pitfall we can cover in this article is “the front.” We all, at one time or another, try to put on a front. We attempt vainly to cover our true meaning, emotion or how things really are. We try to smile when sad, laugh when in pain and act cool when we swell with emotion. I am probably as guilty as anyone of this pitfall. Bottomline here, just strive to be yourself. Chances are, people like the real you better than the phony one anyway.
