Woo Your Wife (Your Boss, Your Family)

Behaviours and Quick Solutions

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Why We Love Singapore So Much?

Sometimes people ask me why I moved to Singapore with my family from the US when so many people are trying to move into the US. Well, here are some of the reasons why we love Singapore, The Garden City:

1. 20% taxes MAXIMUM and that is only after (I believe) $320k in income. Another figure I saw in the paper was that 95% of the taxes in Singapore are paid by the top 5% income earners of the country.

2. SAFE. In the USA, 1 out of 3 women gets raped in her lifetime (FBI stat). In South Africa, it is .85 rapes per woman on average. In Singapore, it’s 1 in 10,000. I have a bride and 2 daughters…

3. Ease of transportation. Buses, trains, taxis everywhere and cheap

4. First world clean and modern. All the conveniences. Brisk economy, plenty of entertainment and the arts, green city and cheap beach resort holidays within a 1 – 2 hour flight or 45 minute ferry ride.

5. AMAZING food of every imaginable kind

6. Our children go to local schools which are rated #1 in the world in Maths and Science (USA is 19th in math, 27th in science). Cost is $11 SGD per month (US $7) I’ve paid over $20k for schools in Minnesota, USA as a single guy through property tax when I had no kids and got nothing for that. Education is NOT free in the USA. EVERYONE pays whether they have children or not. Is that fair?

7. MUCH of the business in the world is here in Asia and is GROWIG. Within a 5 hour flight of Singapore there are 2.5 billion people, 1 Billion of which speak English

8. There is true religious freedom here. Unlike the US and many countries in the ‘West’ where you cannot MENTION God in schools or the platform, Singapore as a country celebrates the major religions. Christians get Christmas and Good Friday, Chinese  get 2 days at Lunar New Year, Muslims get Hari Raya and Hari Raya Pusar and Hindus get Deepavali and Thaipusam. (Atheists get every Sunday off.) For these holidays, they decorate PUBLIC streets and buildings, put up shrines, process through the streets and do whatever that group wants to do. Now THAT is religious freedom.

9. Banks here charge 1.6% to 5% interest on mortgages AND from your first mortgage payment, 30% goes to the principle. Your LAST mortgage payment, 30% goes to the principle. SO.. in the first 5 years, you actually pay down your mortgage.

10. The government is not just DEBT FREE… they have BILLIONS in assets. SMART!! The USA pays about a third of every tax dollar collected for INTEREST on it’s debt. Another 1/3 goes to military. Only 1/3 of USA tax dollars goes to schools, libraries roads, etc. As more people are in government in the USA than in manufacturing (since 1998), government salaries outstrip those of manufacturing, taking the lion’s share of that non interest, non military 1/3.

11. Unlike the USA Social (in)-Security where the money we paid in for our retirements went into a general fund and is now completely underfunded to the amount of $107 Trillion, in Singapore, they have CPF (Central Provident Fund) and it’s invested in safe market securities and people can choose investments from a pool to manage that fund for higher returns. They can withdraw a portion from it to pay for their home and when they retire, get 50% in a LUMP SUM and the rest meted out in monthly amounts. Awesome retirement safety net.

12. True, transparent jurisprudence. Quick and speedy trial. Commit a crime and in 1 to 3 months the sentence is handed out. No juries swayed by emotional arguments but a legal team who knows the law. Appeal a judgement you think is unfair without proving just cause and your penalty can be doubled (don’t waste the court’s time!) As a result, the courts are not clogged like in the USA where it can take 3 years to get a final decision.

13. Healthcare is subsidized by the government and is very cheap but not free so there is little abuse. If you want to get to the front of the cue (line) and willing to pay a premium, you can.

14. The people here are respectful of their neighbours and do not curse and swear in public. We take our children out on public buses and local coffee shops and ‘pubs’ (public houses) and we never have to worry about the language used at the adjacent seat or table. This is a country of truly dignified people. Not perfect… but people I respect for their values of honesty, integrity, saving and industry.

Trust me, I can go on. An American wrote me recently and I felt the need to explain to him why we chose to live in Singapore and just got started writing. If you are Singaporean or expat living here, I hope you agree with me. If you are from outside Singapore, I hope I did not offend you as I’m sure there are dozens of great reasons why you like or love your country of residence. For my family and I, we really enjoy this environment and see it as the perfect place to raise our children. No matter where you live, remember to appreciate what you have and to do your best to make it the best environment for you and your family. God bless you all.

Smile Maker: Bragging or Admitting

A Texan was boasting to an elderly Singaporean one day, “When I drive around my ranch, it takes almost a whole day.” The Singaporean just said, “Alamak!… I used to have a car like that in my 20s.”

Got comments or questions about why we love Singapore so much?  Just leave your comments here.

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4 Easy Steps to Reduce Your Holiday Stress

I am writing this as we celebrate Christmas and sometimes preparing for Christmas so stressful, we miss the point of the holy day. Our non-Christian friends can apply the concepts to preparing for their holy days or their holidays. I have noticed just about everyone goes through much the same rush and stressful preparations.

The ideal solution is to start acting early. A little effort allows you to enjoy the holy day by taking a holiday from excess stress.

Easy Step #1: Start preparing early. Make a list of everyone you need to buy a present for and start looking at the shops now. Better yet, set aside a time in the evenings to turn off the TV and MAKE something for that special someone. Not so handy and still hate to shop? Try giving to an orphanage or other charity in that person`s name, presenting them with a receipt, note of thanks and the orphan`s photos.

Easy Step #2: Shop online. Buying on-line is easy and safe. Aside from beating the crowds in the mall, you have a greater chance of finding JUST the right item for that hard to buy for person. Some examples:

Magazine subscriptions: Buy a gift subscription to God`s Word Today, my own personal choice for daily study of scripture and to develop my prayer life. Alternatively, get them a subscription to something reflecting their interests like Mens Health, Golf Digest or Car & Driver.

Give a gift of fruit that is delivered every month, 4 times a year or one-off with a personal card from you. Healthy and appreciated.

Easy Step #3: Make another list of all the things that stress you out before, during and after the holidays and make a plan to minimise the exposure, contamination or your reaction to what is out of your control. Ask for both divine guidance in dealing with these issues and ask good friends for their suggestions. Try Google to see what 10,000 other people have done to solve the issue.

Easy Step #4: Plan more to do less. Remember to ask, `So what?` If aunt Martha`s wall decoration does not make it up this year, `So what?` If you end up wrapping presents with colourful Sunday comics instead of fancy paper saving one trip to the store, the environment and money, `So what?` If you do NOT make it to that one party you really do not feel like attending, `So what?` If you do not get all the shopping done and give a handmade gift voucher for a back rub, a day at the beech, a movie and dinner on a night of their choosing or something else that person will appreciate more than a thoughtless gift just to fill an obligation, `So what?` Hey! So What!!

These 4 Easy Steps acted upon NOW can help you enjoy your holiday and take a holiday from excessive stress. Got comments or questions about holiday stress tips?   Just leave your comments here.

Merry Christmas to You and may 2010 be your BEST year yet. God bless you eternally.

3 Ways to Add Romance to Your Life

Amore` or romance or passion is almost universally sought after yet rarely achieved. We may fall in love and even get married, but is the fire still there?

Speaker friend, Patricia Fripp tells a story of old grandma and grandpa nearing their farm and pass a young couple kissing passionately in a parked car by the side of the road. Grandma says to grandpa, `Remember when we used to sit that close in this old truck?` Grandpa replies, `Well, I am not the one who moved!`

IF you have someone special in your life, is there any way you have `moved` away from him or her? If you do not have someone special, have you moved away from getting close to people and are avoiding intimacy? Here are 3 ways to add romance to your life:

#1 Work at it. If your spouse likes gifts, buy a little token today and bring it home. If your spouse likes love notes, write one now before you forget. If the person you love is struggling with work, career or family, pay special attention to him or her and ask questions. Your interest and concern speaks volumes about your love, opening up hearts and minds.

#2 Seek it. Look for opportunities to get away with your sweetheart, just the two of you, even if only for an evening or a day or two. Turn the TV off and sit and talk. Sometimes, going to a coffee shop for this is easier than at home as it breaks the `same-old-pattern` syndrome. Maybe start the conversation with, `I maybe have not told you or shown you lately, but I want you to know, how much I love you.`

#3 Be creative. Compose a song and sing it. Put him in his favourite chair and dance for him. Give her a one-hour head to toe massage. Feed each other and fill in between bites with a kiss or caress. Fill the tub with bubble bath and take a bath together. (saves water!) Smile at him or her and hold it until the other asks why. Then say, `Even after all this time, I just love to sit and look at you.`

NONE of this costs any big money. ALL of it adds to enjoyment and romance for both parties involved. Got comments or questions?  Just leave your comments here.

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Juggling daily demands can leave anyone frazzled.  Let me shows you how to balance your life and to be worry-free in five steps.

I’m 54 and I find the stresses in my life very different from when I was 33. I am a “late bloomer” and have three children aged five, seven and 13. I also have an eye on the horizon as to how many years I have left of solid income generation. Also, my values are different as are my commitments and my body is VERY different. How does the “mature” person balance life, with or without children or grandchildren in the mix?

What got me started was a conversation with my wife while attending a jazz night at The Arts House in Singapore. On the way home, she questioned whether this life  balance concept is all it is cracked up to be.

She shared with me a statement and then a question, “I try to balance time with the kids, helping you in the business, commitments at AWANA (Teaching young people Bible verses), attending church, reading books, taking care of our home, extended family, friends and more and it always seems I should spend more time with you, the children, with everything. Can we really have balance?”

THE KEY TO BALANCE

Great observations and an awesome question! Here was my reply: We can never do it all. Trying to do it all only leads to frustration. All we can really do is pick the most important tasks and set realistic expectations. The hard part is to learn to be happy with what we DID do as only the lazy accomplish all they would like to do. Those of us with great ambition in life and higher self-worth need to learn that balance comes from appreciating what we have done and NOT dwelling on what did not get done.

I promise you, everyone looks “ideal” from the outside. This guy’s life looks so easy. She looks like a PERFECT wife and mother. He looks like a better husband. She looks like her life is charmed. If we get into the comparison game, we are doomed from the start.

Keep in mind that everything looks great from the outside; but on the inside, it is often very different. He looks like an ideal husband until you find out about his abuse. She looks perfect but you don’t know her temper or spending habits. Better to focus on your own life and what you can do to maximise your effectiveness, improve your own level of pleasure and cope with the worry and stress you have.

With that in mind, here are five ways you can balance life better – and worry less:

1. Daily “Quiet Time” I start my day EVERY day with 30 minutes of quiet time, reflection and prayer (first fruits of the day). This ensures that no other “priorities” or distractions get in the way. It also helps me focus my efforts for the day and keeps me in balance. If NOTHING ELSE gets done, at least I had my time alone with God.

Three big advantages of doing this early, when the house is quiet: One, no distractions. Two, it lends clarity to my day. Three, it gives me peace as I approach my day. It is like insulating myself from stress before the stress occurs.

I also take “quiet moments” throughout the day to pray at meals, whenever I have a challenge or hear of one from a friend. This way, I don’t hold those fears, angers or problems inside. I immediately give them to God to deal with for me. Getting rid of these pressures and worries is incredibly stress-relieving!

Finally, I always pray with my wife at night before going to sleep. We ask forgiveness for what we did or said that was not kind, right or just, asking God to lead us in a new direction, closer to Him. It is magical!

2. Be at peace about your money How much is enough? If you do not have a figure in mind, you can work to the day you die and never feel in balance.

Set a REALISTIC figure and put a plan in place to get it in an acceptable amount of time and set a yearly, monthly and daily target to work on. If you meet your daily target, you’ll be more relaxed. If you miss several days or weeks, make time to readjust your target or get to work.

Before you set your financial targets, make sure they are consistent with your values for family, friends and fun. Saving for a retirement with no fun, no time for family and no time for friends will leave you with few family members or friends when you reach your target. Also, if you do not know how to have fun NOW, how will you learn about fun when you finally reach your target?

3. Make time for family How much time is enough? Would the family agree? Ask them. Work out a compromise all can live with and stick to it. Blocking time on the calendar for family will help you accomplish your family goals and assist with feeling balanced.

Remember, this is balancing YOUR life we are talking about, not your children’s lives. Most grandparents love spending time with their and children. Not all want to spend ALL of their time with their grandchildren. Make sure whatever you agree to is fair to you and your spouse. YES… family often comes ahead of personal pleasure. Just ensure it is not at the EXCLUSION of personal pleasure.

4. Revisit your priorities Beyond the above areas, when it comes to juggling fitness, social commitments and personal satisfaction issues, it is all about priorities. I would LOVE to play my saxophone every day like I did prior to our children being born. To me it is fun, relaxing yet invigorating. Now, I play intermittently. Why? Priorities. I’d rather spend the time with our children. When our two younger children are in school, I will make time for my sax.

Gym is a priority twice a week, with bike rides and walks in between. Why? I need that time for health, sanity and so that I live long enough to play with my grandchildren some day, God willing.

5. Consider your true value Do you still have “worries” that keep you from enjoying your “balanced” life? Do you think you are irreplaceable? I know I am not. If a bus flattened me tomorrow or some other calamity takes my life, I know my clients will not go out of business. We are but smoke on this planet. A puff and then gone.

Nothing we do really matters in the long run. We do our best, contribute our most and then go on. No one will remember us five years after we are gone. Enjoy a balanced life while we are here, contribute what we can and worry little about anything else.

Balance will not make you happy unless you are happy with what you choose as balance. And, if you “balance” without worry, you will find peace in your balance. Not deciding what “balance” is will leave you as dissatisfied as someone with little or no balance. Choose your balance and smile as you learn to live with your balance, worry-free.

3 Steps to Pleasing Your Partner

This one may shock some people. It is about pleasing the romantic partner in your life. Sorry, but I cannot help but be holistic in my approach to life and if the home life is great, usually the work life is good as well and vice versa.

Now do not get too excited. It is not about sex. It is about what it takes to please your partner to make your partner happy and more in love with you than ever. If you do not currently have a partner, it gives you a better idea of how to court a future partner and then keep him / her once you connect.

Ask yourself what are the kinds of things that make you happy and satisfied. Chances are some, but certainly not all will please your partner. Unless you married a clone of yourself, your mate is probably a compliment to you, not a mirror image.

FIRST, take a look at your physical relationship. Not because it is the most important but because it is usually the first thing people focus on if there is trouble in the relationship. When I come home from a long day of speaking on my feet and my bride gives me a foot massage, WOW! When she has a tension headache from taking care of kids all day and I massage her shoulders and neck, I know she appreciates it.

Hold hands in public when you walk. For no particular reason when you walk behind your partner, give a soft gentle kiss on the neck. RUN to the door and greet your partner when they come home and give her / him a LONG hug. What we may not FEEL like doing is maybe what we OUGHT to be doing. Want more bliss? GIVE more bliss.

SECOND, listen. This should be number one but rarely makes the top 3 list for men of what they want. Reality for men and especially women, when their mate listens to them, it helps many problems disappear. Listen to his desires. Listen to her needs. Listen to what you two have in common. Listen to your mutual longings. Listen to God in your hearts. Listen without thinking of a comeback or answer. JUST listen.

THIRD, date each other. Notice, I did not say party or spend money together, argue, or go out with 20 friends or candle lit dinners (although the last one might not be bad), I just said to `date each other`. What happens on a date? Usually you talk… a lot. You hold hands. You smile. You compliment. You listen a TON and, yes, you finish with a kiss. (What happens after I will leave to your imaginations.)

Sarnai and I have only been married for about 9 years so this is not a fountain of wisdom from 50 years of marriage as some of you may have experienced. Just three simple things helping my bride and I get ever closer. We believe they can help any relationship.

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Someone once said, `They don’t care how much you know until the know how much you care.` I believe that is true so here are 8 ways to tell people that matter to you at work and at home, how much you care about them.

1. Active listening is probably the single most important way to say you care about someone. As they share, do not just nod your head. Repeat a bit of what they say and ask questions.

2.  Write a personal note. Putting a written note (not an email) on someone’s desk for them to find later is a powerful motivator and easy way to show care and concern. Simply stating, `I just wanted to say I appreciate what you did for me. Thank you so much. It is a joy to work with you.`

3.  Remember what that person likes and give it to them. If they like a special brand of chocolates, when you see them, buy a bar or box and present it at an opportune time.

4.  Say it with flowers. If someone does a favour for you, send them a small potted plant. Everytime they water it, they will remember that you cared enough to say `thanks`.

5.  Perform a favour. I can still remember the day in 1978 when I had a ton of orders to write up and my supervisor Karl Bjornson was leaving the office at 6 PM, saw me doing all that paperwork and put his bag down, grabbed some of the work and stayed an extra hour to help me.

6.  Laugh at their jokes. My father would always laugh at a customers joke, even if it was one he knew very well. Why? The reason for a joke is to make people feel good. Laughing at their jokes makes the teller feel good. Ever had someone say at the end of a joke you told, `I’ve heard that one before.` or `I don`t get it.`?

7.  Ask them to help you or to do you a favour. This may fly in the face of logic initially, but trust me, it works. Soliciting help in the right way endears people to you. `You know so much about this…`or `It is a lot to ask I know. Would you be willing to.` or simply, `I really need your help and expertise on something.` You stroke their ego and have more opportunities to thank them and bond with them along the way.

8.  Pray for them or better yet, with them. When my wife an I kneel and pray together as husband and wife at the end of the day and she hears me thanking the Lord for her in my life or when it is her turn and she thanks God for me, well, I just love her all the more.

Saying `I care about you.` takes a little thinking and a little work, but it can literally mean the difference between breaking even or exceeding targets; between surviving a relationship and thriving in it. Start letting people know how much YOU care, today!