Juggling daily demands can leave anyone frazzled. Let me shows you how to balance your life and to be worry-free in five steps.
I’m 54 and I find the stresses in my life very different from when I was 33. I am a “late bloomer” and have three children aged five, seven and 13. I also have an eye on the horizon as to how many years I have left of solid income generation. Also, my values are different as are my commitments and my body is VERY different. How does the “mature” person balance life, with or without children or grandchildren in the mix?
What got me started was a conversation with my wife while attending a jazz night at The Arts House in Singapore. On the way home, she questioned whether this life balance concept is all it is cracked up to be.
She shared with me a statement and then a question, “I try to balance time with the kids, helping you in the business, commitments at AWANA (Teaching young people Bible verses), attending church, reading books, taking care of our home, extended family, friends and more and it always seems I should spend more time with you, the children, with everything. Can we really have balance?”
THE KEY TO BALANCE
Great observations and an awesome question! Here was my reply: We can never do it all. Trying to do it all only leads to frustration. All we can really do is pick the most important tasks and set realistic expectations. The hard part is to learn to be happy with what we DID do as only the lazy accomplish all they would like to do. Those of us with great ambition in life and higher self-worth need to learn that balance comes from appreciating what we have done and NOT dwelling on what did not get done.
I promise you, everyone looks “ideal” from the outside. This guy’s life looks so easy. She looks like a PERFECT wife and mother. He looks like a better husband. She looks like her life is charmed. If we get into the comparison game, we are doomed from the start.
Keep in mind that everything looks great from the outside; but on the inside, it is often very different. He looks like an ideal husband until you find out about his abuse. She looks perfect but you don’t know her temper or spending habits. Better to focus on your own life and what you can do to maximise your effectiveness, improve your own level of pleasure and cope with the worry and stress you have.
With that in mind, here are five ways you can balance life better – and worry less:
1. Daily “Quiet Time” I start my day EVERY day with 30 minutes of quiet time, reflection and prayer (first fruits of the day). This ensures that no other “priorities” or distractions get in the way. It also helps me focus my efforts for the day and keeps me in balance. If NOTHING ELSE gets done, at least I had my time alone with God.
Three big advantages of doing this early, when the house is quiet: One, no distractions. Two, it lends clarity to my day. Three, it gives me peace as I approach my day. It is like insulating myself from stress before the stress occurs.
I also take “quiet moments” throughout the day to pray at meals, whenever I have a challenge or hear of one from a friend. This way, I don’t hold those fears, angers or problems inside. I immediately give them to God to deal with for me. Getting rid of these pressures and worries is incredibly stress-relieving!
Finally, I always pray with my wife at night before going to sleep. We ask forgiveness for what we did or said that was not kind, right or just, asking God to lead us in a new direction, closer to Him. It is magical!
2. Be at peace about your money How much is enough? If you do not have a figure in mind, you can work to the day you die and never feel in balance.
Set a REALISTIC figure and put a plan in place to get it in an acceptable amount of time and set a yearly, monthly and daily target to work on. If you meet your daily target, you’ll be more relaxed. If you miss several days or weeks, make time to readjust your target or get to work.
Before you set your financial targets, make sure they are consistent with your values for family, friends and fun. Saving for a retirement with no fun, no time for family and no time for friends will leave you with few family members or friends when you reach your target. Also, if you do not know how to have fun NOW, how will you learn about fun when you finally reach your target?
3. Make time for family How much time is enough? Would the family agree? Ask them. Work out a compromise all can live with and stick to it. Blocking time on the calendar for family will help you accomplish your family goals and assist with feeling balanced.
Remember, this is balancing YOUR life we are talking about, not your children’s lives. Most grandparents love spending time with their and children. Not all want to spend ALL of their time with their grandchildren. Make sure whatever you agree to is fair to you and your spouse. YES… family often comes ahead of personal pleasure. Just ensure it is not at the EXCLUSION of personal pleasure.
4. Revisit your priorities Beyond the above areas, when it comes to juggling fitness, social commitments and personal satisfaction issues, it is all about priorities. I would LOVE to play my saxophone every day like I did prior to our children being born. To me it is fun, relaxing yet invigorating. Now, I play intermittently. Why? Priorities. I’d rather spend the time with our children. When our two younger children are in school, I will make time for my sax.
Gym is a priority twice a week, with bike rides and walks in between. Why? I need that time for health, sanity and so that I live long enough to play with my grandchildren some day, God willing.
5. Consider your true value Do you still have “worries” that keep you from enjoying your “balanced” life? Do you think you are irreplaceable? I know I am not. If a bus flattened me tomorrow or some other calamity takes my life, I know my clients will not go out of business. We are but smoke on this planet. A puff and then gone.
Nothing we do really matters in the long run. We do our best, contribute our most and then go on. No one will remember us five years after we are gone. Enjoy a balanced life while we are here, contribute what we can and worry little about anything else.
Balance will not make you happy unless you are happy with what you choose as balance. And, if you “balance” without worry, you will find peace in your balance. Not deciding what “balance” is will leave you as dissatisfied as someone with little or no balance. Choose your balance and smile as you learn to live with your balance, worry-free.
Michael Podolinsky is a Certified Speaking Professional and author of Making Better Choices for the Rest of Your Life. He conducts in-house training programmes, motivational speeches and facilitates strategic planning sessions for his clients in Asia Pacific and across the globe, including the Singapore Institute of Management (www.sim.edu.sg). For more information, contact Michael.
This article is reproduced from PRIME, November-December 2008 issue, “Balance Your Life”, published by Spring Publishing Pte Ltd. Copyright © Spring Publishing Pte Ltd. All rights reserved.
