Story of 4 Generations and YOUR life

My grandpa Anton was a brusk man with little finesse. He migrated to the USA by himself at age 16 so he had no adult role model from mid teens until he died at age 87.

My father was the oldest of 3 sons. Grandpa Anton never had any toys growing up so he never believed in toys for his sons. My grandma Katy, however, one day bought my dad a small toy for 10 cents but with strict instructions, ‘Hide it before papa come home.’ One day he forgot and grandpa Anton found it.

‘Vats dis?’ he asked. My dad said, ‘It’s my toy.’ Grandpa Anton’s response was, ‘Foolishness!’ and threw it into the wood stove so at least it would add to the heat in their cold Minnesota home.

My dad, Tony, bought my sister and I a lot of toys but never spoiled us. He was a hugger and full of fun. He improved SO MUCH from his father in one generation. What dad did NOT do was spend one-on-one time with us. He was also gone most of every week as a travelling salesman. The real and intimate time I spent with my father before he passed away at age 88 was as an adult when I took HIM on trips and had him move in with ME.

Myself, I work hard to spend quality and quantity time with my kids and my wife every day. We spend one-on-one time together and family time together. My wife and I do not spoil the kids but strive to give them all the love and discipline they need. Yet, I know I have my weaknesses. What really scares me is what I do not know about myself. What things am I saying and doing that will forever get my children to wish, ‘If only papa had…’ For I, too, want to make quantum leaps in improvement like my father did from his father.

My son carries the burden of improving over me to his son, and so on.

Learning Lesson: Rather than waste time complaining about what your parents did or did not do or what your boss and organisation does or does not do, look at what they did or do right and be grateful.

Next, think of all the things you can do differently with your family, your work team, your department. You cannot fix anything in the past. You cannot always fix your parents, bosses or company. You CAN and SHOULD fix communications, systems, processes and invest your time where it makes the most sense. These things you can control. What a wonderful use of the time you have been given in life.

Each generation has an obligation not to repeat the mistakes of the previous generation. Each generation has an obligation to do the best they can with what they have been given.

Better Communications Can Be The Key To Your Success

Why in the world do people fail in communications?  There are probably as many reasons as there are people.  The common communications problems which keep surfacing revolve around a lack of openness, honesty and understanding the nature of our problems.

Here are three communications traps people fall into and accompanying tips to avoid the pitfalls.

The “I’m right, you’re wrong.” syndrome.  In this pit, it is assumed there is a right and a wrong answer.  It is also assumed you and an opponent are on opposite sides of an issue.  “Good” examples are a boss telling an employee he/she is crazy, that their idea would never work.  Another example is a husband and wife arguing because one wants to have a large family and the other wants a small family.

In the first example, the boss should probably put herself in the employees shoes.  To do so requires a lot of imagination or a good memory for what it was like “long ago” when she was in that position herself.  No one is crazy for making a suggestion, even one which appears inane.  What the boss might want to do is tell the employee of certain obstacles she is aware of and then ask the employee how they might be overcome.  If none can be provided, the employee has proven to himself the idea is impractical at this point in time.  If, however, the employee does come up with some plausible solutions, maybe the manager has learned something and should reconsider her position.

In the second example, the wife says she wants a large family and the husband insists on a small one.  What they are not communicating is the wife’s concept of a large family is four children and the husband’s idea of a small family is three.  By not talking specifics, they do not realize just how close their positions really are.

“What if large meant 12 children and small meant 2?”  Now we need to ask “why”.

The spouse wanting 12 may want that many because of a need to share love with so many wanting children.  The spouse wanting only 2 may only feel they can financially afford to support 2 kids.  Solution?  Perhaps have two of their own and take in 10 orphan children.  The orphan children come with a state stipend to support them financially and they probably are craving for love and attention.  Both parties again have tenable positions.

Trap two is “shutting the trap.” When something is bothering folks caught in the web of this spider of poor communications, they do not open up their mouths.  They keep it to themselves.  Sometimes they blab about the problem to everyone except the person who should hear (the person they have the problem with.)

Such a state of affairs causes two major problems.  First, it is not healthy.  Tensions bottled up leads to heart attack, stroke and at a minimum, fatigue.  Second, nothing ever gets resolved and the problem festers and just gets worse.

Solution:  Confront the person you are having a problem with.  Maybe it was just an oversight.  Perhaps there exists a logical reason for doing whatever it was they were doing.  At the very least, get it off your chest!   Chances are the other person is either totally unaware of what they are doing or they are hiding something too and do not have the guts to come to you.  Try to be one step ahead of their game.

The last pitfall we can cover in this article is “the front.” We all, at one time or another, try to put on a front.  We attempt vainly to cover our true meaning, emotion or how things really are.  We try to smile when sad, laugh when in pain and act cool when we swell with emotion.  I am probably as guilty as anyone of this pitfall.  Bottomline here, just strive to be yourself.  Chances are, people like the real you better than the phony one anyway.

What the world needs now, is LOVE. Agape Love